This is the follow up post to Part One.
Cheating is something that has the power to destroy families, relationships and lives. No one wants to be on the cheated end and cheaters have a (rightfully) bad name. Is there ever a time when cheating is acceptable? Some people think so. Do I? No. Am I being a hypocrite here? Absolutely.
Because, right now, I'm the cheater. I know exactly how I would feel if I was being cheated on but I feel powerless to resist. And I know damn well people will say well duh skank keep your fucking legs closed! Duh! Yeah turns out it's not that easy.
Have you ever been on a diet and all you can think about is that one certain thing you KNOW damn well you absolutely cannot have? And you keep resisting and resisting until it's all you can think about? Yeah we all know that feeling even if it's not a food. I am not making excuses only telling you how I feel.
If you haven't read Part One I highly suggest you do so, it gives you the background info for this post.
Basically I'm being selfish and also torturing myself at the same time. The man I've loved for over a year is moving halfway across the country and I am taking what I can get while I can get it. I don't feel any guilt about it either. Horrible admission, but it's the truth. When I'm with him and he's holding me everything is right in my world. I don't want my partner to touch me. I only want the one I'll call "Andrew".
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a horrible person. Turns out I couldn't care less. So why stay with him if he isn't the one I want? Because I can't have the one I do for keeps and at least there is SOMETHING here I suppose. Or at least that's my answer when I'm being truthful with myself. So why write this and open myself up to insults and condemnation as well as judgement? Simple answer: Because I NEED to.
I need to tell someone (even faceless, nameless internet people) what is going on. I think I'd explode if I couldn't write it all out lol.
Back on subject! Cheating is a taboo for a reason. It's one (or more) acts or decisions that can cost you everything. My philosophy is generally that its not worth it to risk your relationship, family or the way your life is for a few moments (or hours) of pleasure. I know that being cheated on makes you question yourself and everything else. Most people it happens to tend to have some serious issues because of it and serious questioning of themselves. Most don't think right from the beginning that hey he/she cheated on me? Well they are a douchetastic twatwaffle and didn't deserve me anyhow! No, we think why? What did I do or not do? Why am I not enough?
The answer is it had nothing to do with you. Its a hugely selfish thing, cheating. Most of the time it's a cheap thrill. You have issues in your relationship and its easy to get it elsewhere. What they don't know won't hurt them, right? Wrong! It will hurt eventually because it comes out sooner or later. And even if you do manage to keep your indiscretion under wraps will you be able to live with it? Can you keep your actions normal?
So here's my question, why would you cheat? Would you ever feel it was ok or justifiable?
** I was told it seemed like Part One didn't have an end (by "Justin"). I told him that it pretty much depended on him, that I'm not the one leaving. I suppose that's not the whole truth. It does depend on him as well but whether he stays or goes this whole experience has shown me that I am really not happy where I am at. And with or without "Justin" I need to make myself happy. So I won't be a serial cheater, I'll be moving on.**